Banker to every Indian.

Over 16000 branches. $127 billion in assets. The only Indian bank to feature in the Fortune 500 list. A banking behemoth. And as a recent public relation activity suggests, the banker to every Indian. Yes, you guessed it right, I’m talking about State Bank of India.

The sweet pleasure of ‘feel good’ was sensed by the great Indian middle class. After all it is satisfying to know that even fishmongers can operate a bank account in our country, save their menial earnings and ultimately progress. ‘Jai Ho’. The government of India that owns a sixty percent stake in the bank couldn’t complain at a time when it has to play with a double-edged sword of ‘recession’ and ‘election’. Two words that send a chill down the spine of any government in power.

This blithe was shattered, at least on a personal level as I set forward on a tax saving mission just before the March end deadline. A well-wisher suggested opening a PPF (public provident fund) account with a public sector bank. And what better than State Bank of India, the best and largest of Indian public sector banks.

I set about on opening an account equipped with the addresses of most of the State Bank of India branches in the eastern satellite township of Delhi. Apparently an easy pursuit, I faced my first roadblock when I couldn’t trace where to ask about opening a PPF account. But my apprehensions were soon put to rest as I saw a small plastic board dangling on corner of the ceiling of the branch declaring ‘PPF/Senior Citizens’. Happy to see the board, I marched forward to know how I can become the ‘proverbial’ State Bank of India customer like they show in the advertisements. After negotiating a queue and spending some time near the counter, a young and smart officer, probably a direct recruitment from the bank exams, curtly asked my residential address. I was not expecting an oral revelation of my residential address and quite bewildered, I answered. I was further surprised to know that I cannot open a PPF account in this branch because there are State Bank of India branches nearer to my residential address. I never knew that bankers also had a ‘cable guy’ mentality of diving areas.

Imagine Swiss banks declining deposits from around the globe! The officer was however courteous enough to tell me which branch I should get in touch with. I rather reached the next branch with an air of high place as a much larger branch’s officer has confidently sent me here. Now no one could stop me from opening a PPF account. After all I was in the right place. I mentioned my purpose of being there to another officer, much older, probably pushing retirement. He brought out a printed paper with lot of things outlined. One set of points were documents admissible as identity proof and another set as address proof. I found I had almost all documents that pass as an identity proof like Voter ID, Driving License, Passport and, PAN card.

Now came the tricky part, address proof. One look made me feel I have them. Credit card bills, telephone bills, letter from an employer seemed quite familiar. But my world came crashing down when the officer with an acidic smile explained that these documents should be of a state-owned service provider or employer. I had none. Like most of urban Indians, I use credit cards of private banks, a private telephone company’s broadband and landline and work for a private limited company. For State Bank of India, I do not have a valid physical address. I do not exist!

I suddenly recalled the picture of the fishmonger on State Bank of India’s advertisement. I wondered does she have these address proof documents. I was also trying to think what I can say to this officer so that he agrees to open an account. I, like most Indians who have some experience of dealing with public sector banks, had asked for references or ‘introduction’ in State Bank of India within the people I know. An ‘introduction’ is an existing customer who will vouch for me being a nice person. And fortunately I had one.

When I suggested this, the officer slyly told me that this system has been discontinued. I had nothing more to say but was firm in my belief that such cannot be the system in a free democratic country’s state owned bank. So, I reached another branch that is near my place of work. I was left aghast when the guard stopped me at the gate saying I can’t get inside because lunch is underway. When did they start closing bank branches for lunch!

It was too much of repudiation for me to bear in a day. Lost all faith in Indian public sector banks all over again and State Bank of India’s public relation ‘gimmick’ and ‘Jai Ho’. When I discussed my affliction with friends, I was suggested correctives. Some also recommended good branches of State Bank of India with eager to help people.

Connection matters in our country where success is measured on a scale of number of ‘right people’ you know. I being reasonably connected for my age might end with a PPF account with State Bank of India. But the bargain is not at all conducive for a progressive nation and slumdogs turning millionaires remains a fairy tale. Or worse still a mirage following which people might get hurt.